Finally
by Montana Magic
Summary: It's over, thank God it's finally over.


Title: Finally

Rating: PG13

Paring: Sam/Jack

Spoilers: If it's aired, it's fair game.

Summary: It's over, thank God it's over. 

Disclaimer: Not mine, not even delusional enough to entertain that thought.

She wouldn't let herself feel anything but determination to succeed. It was how she got through things. It was a self-imposed rule. She set goals and focused on achieving them. She didn't let emotion cloud her judgement. And that included fear. She let herself feel whatever the hell she wanted when she safe and sound at home or in her quarters at the SGC. It didn't matter if she freaked out then. She wouldn't jeopardize anyone then. Right now, her goal was to not be seen. She heard the footsteps approaching and buried herself in the underbrush until Anubis' super soldier had passed.

She heard it before she actually saw it. The distinct sound of a UAV flying overhead. She decided the risk of exposure was acceptable. Using her watch, she reflected the sun towards the UAV in hopes that someone would see it and come find her. 

Unfortunately she wasn't the only one to see it. Seconds later the Super Soldier shot it down. Sam quickly covered her watch so it wouldn't find her. She'd be dead if that happened. She didn't have the prototype weapon with her, just the upgrade. What good was it to her now? But she wouldn't think about that right now. Just concentrate on not being seen and getting home. Then she could do whatever she liked

The minute the Super Soldier was out of range she crept to the downed UAV. The SGC had to be tracking it, which meant they knew it had gone down. It also meant that someone would be coming to retrieve it. Something red caught her eye when she got there. Buried between a pile of rocks and the remnants of the UAV was a missile.

She immediately figured out what the SGC had already. A few of the soldiers hadn't survived the blast of the base's self destruct, so maybe a concentrated blast from a short enough distance would take it out. She crouched down behind the rock pile and started setting up the fuse. She heard the Anubis' soldier coming back and glanced up to see how far away it was. Big mistake. It started to open fire on her. She hit the ground and waited for him to come into range. Then she connected the two fuses and hoped for the best. There was no way to know if her theory was accurate or not. The soldier disappeared in a blaze of fire. When it burned out, he was buried under the dirt and debris.

She finally let herself collapse and catch her breath. Her thigh was throbbing and she was sure a rib or two was cracked if not broken altogether. She was way beyond exhaustion by now. She was too tired to feel relieved, or much of anything for that matter. If she stuck by the UAV someone was bound to find her. She could have gone to the gate, if the UAV was there that meant they had it back up and running. One of the little blessings on this hellish day. But she was too tired to do anything but sit and wait and think.

"Be careful." Jack had warned her before she'd left for the Alpha site. He'd said it as a joke, but she knew he meant it. The boring (in his opinion) missions always seemed to send the SG teams back with the most injuries. 

"_So much for that warning."_ The cynic in her head scoffed.

__

So it's over now (finally)

I'm beneath

And I'm crawling out

On my knees

I can hear what you said

Echoing in my head

She saw the hand find its way to the surface, but it didn't register in her brain that it was still alive. She just stared blankly. The soldier crawled out of the dirt and stood up. Still, she stared blankly, her eyes refusing to see and her brain refusing to comprehend what was happening. When the soldier raised his arm to fire on her, she managed a gulp. But it was an empty reflex. Something she felt was an appropriate reaction. There was still no feeling behind it. She still wouldn't let herself feel fear.

Right now, she didn't really care what happened to her. She didn't care about Anubis getting the updated power unit. She didn't care what happened to her anymore. Death seemed like a pretty good option right now. Let someone else save the world this week. Let someone else deal with it all.

One way or another it was all going to end soon. And she couldn't bring herself to give a damn if she made it through or not. All she cared about was it being over.

__

I'm losing...myself

Now I'm cold on the floor

And I don't care anymore

Cause its over...it's over

Someone was shooting at them. Why? Who knew. Guns were useless against these guys. Sam jerked her head up and around to see who it was. Teal'c! Wait, he wasn't firing at them, he was firing by them. He was distracting it so she should get away. The gunfire snapped her out of her reverie. When the soldier started firing at Teal'c, she took her chance and ran, not looking back to see if Teal'c had made it. After she'd taken cover behind the pile of rock, she risked looking up. Good, he'd managed to get back into the trees.

The Colonel saw her take cover and ran to her. She didn't have to fight anymore, she could collapse against the rocks and let the Colonel do it for her. Let him be her knight in shining armor, well her Air Force colonel in a black T-shirt. Damn it! He hadn't made it to her quick enough. Anubis' Super Soldier saw him, fired upon him. He took cover with Sam. 

He peered over the top of the rocks and took aim at the advancing soldier. His shot hit and slowed it down for about all of two seconds. Sam was already digging for the fully charged upgrade. How it hadn't broken was a small miracle. Damn it! They were taking more fire!

"Carter, I need the-" She wordlessly handed it to him. "Thanks." He looked mildly surprised, but loaded it into the gun. He took aim and fired. This time the weapon was more effective. The soldier staggered around a bit. He fired one more shot, taking advantage of the weakened enemy. It fell to the ground. Both of them looked out over the rocks and Teal'c ran in from the woods.

"Cover him." Colonel O'Neill ordered, tossing the weapon to Teal'c. He held the gun over the motionless soldier.

Sam caught her breath and dared to ask, "Is it-?

"Yeah, he's dead." That wasn't her question, but the end result was the same. She was going to ask "Is it over?" But with the cliché their lives were, maybe it was a good thing she didn't ask. "Right Teal'c, he's dead?" He wasn't taking any chances. Teal'c nudged the fallen soldier with his foot. After getting no response, he nodded affirmatively. "Yeah, he's dead." The Colonel confirmed.

Sam nodded, finally giving into the complete and total exhaustion that she'd been fighting all day. She allowed herself to collapse against the rocks and breathe a sigh of relief. It felt good to sit. To not have to fight anymore. It felt good to be relieved. She could feel it in the air, between the Colonel and herself. It was always like that after they'd just escaped with their lives. Relief that they'd made it through everything again, and in Sam's case, relief that she wouldn't have to fight anymore. 

"You wanna get up?" He asked.

She shook her head, still breathing hard. "I just need to rest for a minute." Well, more than a minute actually. A week was more like it. Colonel O'Neill understood that. He sat down next to her and evaluated her condition. Not good. To be honest, she looked like hell. Dirt streaked her face and any exposed skin. There were countless scratches and cuts. A particularly gruesome one near her eye and left streaks of dried blood down her face and the wound on her thigh was probably infected. And there was a lost, vacant look in her eyes, like she didn't know what to make of anything anymore. Like she couldn't tell up from down.

"Come here." He moved to put his arm around her. She allowed her head to fall on shoulder. She was safe. It was finally over.

__

I can feel

Like it's real

Now I can finally feel

So I guess it's over now

"Whatcha thinking?" Asked Jack softly a few minutes later.

"So tired." Mumbled Sam. 

"We can stay here as long you need."

"Sir-"

"Shh. Whatever it is it can wait."

"My dad, is he-" Her voice was still weak and her breathing was still labored because of her cracked ribs.

"He's fine. Good as new even."

"Thank God." She let out the breath she was holding.

"Sam, you're crying." Observed Jack softly.

"Am I?" She honestly wasn't aware she was. Maybe it was the stress of the day being over. Maybe it was finding out her dad was okay. Or maybe because it was the first time she'd felt safe all day. Maybe it was all of the above or another reason altogether. All she knew right now was that she was throwing her self-imposed rule out the window. The Colonel's arm around her shoulder made her feel protected. She brushed the tears away, smearing the dirt more. Try as she might, she couldn't stop the tears from coming. He tightened his arm around her shoulders.

"Sam, you're safe now." He reassured her. Her reached his other hand across her to wipe the tears from her cheeks. He was uncharacteristically sweet.

"Sorry Jack." She mumbled.

"You've been through a lot. You're allowed." He assured her. "Come on, let's have Doc Fraiser check you out."

"Yes Sir." The sooner she got back to the SGC the sooner she could take a shower and get some rest.

"Teal'c! Radio base camp Major Carter's alive but pretty banged up and we're heading back to the gate!"

Sam tried to get up, to stand on her own, but the gaping wound on her thigh made that impossible.

"Lean on me." Offered Jack. "It's a long hike." They followed after Teal'c, Sam limping slowly and Jack supporting her.

__

And you broke me down somehow

Now I'm faltering

I can see 

I can be

I can leave and shut you out

So I'm leaving now (somehow)

She was tired. So tired. She didn't remember much of the trek back to the gate or getting back home. She didn't know what day it was much less the time. It was dark in the infirmary. She was groggy and her head was pounding. And she was thirsty. She wasn't alone, someone was sitting in a chair next to her bed.

"Hey Carter, how you feeling?"

"Headache." She turned her head to focus on Colonel O'Neill and winced. Bad idea. "How long have I been out?"

"You've been in and out of it for the past thirty six hours. You had us all scared."

"Sorry Sir." Mumbled Sam. "What time is it?" She had to fight to stay awake. To resist sleep pulling her back under.

"0300."

"How long have you been here?"

"A while. Do you need anything?"

"Water." She replied weakly.

"You had me scared too, Carter."

***

She didn't remember falling back to sleep, but when she woke up next, the lights were on and there was still a full glass of water on her bedside table. And Janet was hovering over her.

"Where's Jac. . .Colonel O'Neill?" The almost use of his first name not going unnoticed by Janet.

"I sent him to get some sleep. I banned him from the infirmary until after dinner."

"How long was he here?"

"The whole time. How are you feeling?" Janet changed the subject to the welfare of her patient.

"Headache. And my ribs hurt."

"You've got a couple cracked ribs. I can give you something for the pain. Get some rest." 

"I've rested enough." Grumbled Sam. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and immediately regretted it. Maybe staying in bed wouldn't hurt. But she didn't want to sleep. She'd done enough of that in the past two days.

"You had me scared too, Carter." The Colonel's words from the night before echoed through her brain. It was obvious he wasn't talking about being asleep for so long. No, she was out of the woods by then. 

"Get some sleep, Sam." Ordered Janet, coming back into the room with the pain killers.

__

Underneath

As I slowly drown

Finally

I can hear what you said

Echoing in my head

She stared at where he father had been seconds before. Everything had gone to hell with the Tok'ra and the Jaffa. Her dad wouldn't be able to come see her as often anymore. They'd only just started rebuilding their relationship over the past five years. And they'd been distancing themselves from each other recently. With the animosity between the SGC and the Tok'ra there were no guarantees about when she'd see him again.

"Carter, you awake?" Asked Colonel O'Neill, popping his head into her room.

"Janet said she had to ban you from the infirmary."

"Yeah, well. . . " He set a dish of blue jello next to her and handed her a spoon.

"Thank you, Sir. I appreciated it." It helped knowing someone was there, watching over her while she was vulnerable.

"It's just jello." He replied.

"I'm not talking about the jello."

"I know."

"Dad just came to say goodbye."

"You heard about the Tok'ra and the Jaffa. Damn snakes!" 

"You okay, Sam?" That was a complicated question. Physically, yes she was. A little sick of sleeping maybe, but that wasn't always a bad thing. Emotionally, she knew it wasn't goodbye forever. Selmak would make sure the Tok'ra would let Jacob come and visit her. But who knew when that would be. Mentally, she wasn't sure. She hadn't had any nightmares, but that didn't mean they wouldn't start. This was when she started to let herself feel everything she'd bottled up before. Every time she thought about the Super Soldiers and about coming face to face with them again, a tremor of fear shook her. Yes, they had weapons, but most of them were with the Tok'ra. And the ones they had still weren't a hundred percent effective. But on the other hand she had Daniel, Teal'c and Jack. . .The Colonel as back up. You couldn't ask for a better team than that. And they'd be there for her when she needed them.

She settled on, "I will be Jack." If he noticed she'd used his first name, he didn't let on. "I will be."

__

I'm losing...myself

I'm shaking deep inside

I'm having trouble breathing

I need somewhere to hide

Away cause I am healing

Author's Note: Well, hoped you liked my first fic in this category. The song is "Finally" by Trust Company. (yes, I know, so original naming the fic after the song.) So, here's the beta-ed version. If you missed the first one, well, I'm not complaining.

I'd also love to have another beta reader for Stargate fics. My regular beta is great, but she doesn't watch the show so I'd love someone who could check out my other fics.

Well, that's it.

--MM

2-08-04


End file.
